Entering the Gates

   Emotional would be an understatement. Driving in the gates at St. Jude’s will just about take your breath away.  It’s like entering a place that you are happy exists, but don’t want to ever step foot in. I've always known or heard that St. Jude’s is an emotional rollercoaster, but I must be unstrapped on an upside down ride going backwards. Externally I am ok.  Internally I’m so fucked up I can’t even put it into words, that’s why I cuss I guess.  Ellen cried first, so she gets the prize, but every time I'm alone with P or away from then for a few seconds, I about can't hold it back.

    Everybody here is so nice.  You ask, they do. You ask a dumb question, they smile and make you feel better about it.  Hell even a delivery guy showed us where one of the offices was like it was his job to serve us.  I know that it is part of their training, to be so uplifting, but they've aced that part for sure. 

   The ladies at the front desk have everything covered. The ladies at registration have everything down to an exact science.  When you walk into the clinic, everything is laid out ready for you like you are the only person that matters at the moment.  The lady at the pharmacy the other day was rocking out to Michael Jackson, taking my paper, and acting like she wasn't in a place full of sadness. 

   I don’t like being here one bit.  I don’t want to think about what happens next week when we meet with doctors.  I don’t want to watch my little girl undergo anything else.  But like the people here at St. Jude’s, I will smile, I will do what is asked of me, and go about our business.