Ellen Stop taking pictures...

                That was probably the stupidest thing I could have said.  As I laid down last night I spent, like usual, about 10 minutes looking at pictures and videos of Penelope.  Pictures that I now have to hold onto forever because that is all I have.  Thank the Lord she doesn’t listen to me half the time and took all those pics.  They are what get me through the day and are the only way I can ease myself to sleep sometimes.

                Men don’t want to take 100 pictures and videos of every little thing that happens in their child’s life, but I promise that you should.  For the most part, I just don’t think it is in us to pose for all those pictures, but one day you’ll look back and be glad you did.  You’ll be happy she took the picture of you two sitting on the couch, feeding her, reading to her, playing in the snow, set up the photo shoots with professional photographers, and all the other 1000 times you heard “Ok, smile!” 

                It really isn’t about the actual picture, but all that the picture represents.  You’ll be sitting in bed one day and come across a picture you totally forgot about.  You won’t just see the matching outfits (Gag Me).  You will remember the hour it took to get ready and changing outfits 100 times, the slobber you are trying to cover up with your hand placement, the fart she let out as you picked her up, and then you’ll be realizing how much you are actually smiling and appreciate your wife “making” you do that.  They say a picture is worth 1000 words, but I think more importantly it is worth 1000 memories. 

                I hope that some reading this enjoy what those pictures represent and what they will mean down the road.  I mean I won’t lie, I’m at a place now where I am jealous and angry along with happy at the same time at all those “photo opportunities” I get to see some having.  I soon forget that when I look at our walls and see Penelope in Montana, Glacier National Park, the TN Capitol, and yes even the hospital pictures.  It doesn’t matter where you are in the picture, it is helping keep those memories alive.  That’s all we can do.  Take the picture and enjoy it.  You’ll see more than ink printed on paper, I promise you that.

Kids Will Make You Think

    As a teacher, I see and hear all sorts of stuff.  Half of it you wouldn’t believe, the other half I have to replay in my head because I don’t believe it.  They say some of the weirdest shit you have ever heard, and I whisper “WTF” to myself more times than not.  I almost have enough 2^nd grade –isms to fill a small book, but today was different.  It wasn’t an –ism.  It wasn’t a laugh.  It wasn’t weird.  It was a little girl looking at me asking 25 million questions that made me realize something.  What I see in the mirror is not what they see. 

    “Hey Mr. McCall.  Did you get a haircut? Did you get a new watch?  Is that a new picture of Penelope?  Did you get your wife something nice?  Did you forget to shave this morning?  Are we going to do a lot of work?  Will you tell us a story?  I missed you Mr. McCall, I couldn’t wait to see you this morning. BAM!!! There it was.

    She had no idea that it was a struggle to get out of bed and start the routine over again.  She didn’t know that I dreaded in a way trying to get myself going to not just teach, but be a good teacher.  She didn’t know that I cried a little when I kissed P’s Beatrice bunny good bye this morning.  

    I realized right then that I needed to drop the sad act and be thankful for what I do.  I was sad before, I’ll be sad at some point after, but for these next few hours, I need to make her day worth it.  She doesn’t deserve a half-assed Mr. McCall.  That’s not what she or the other 16 yahoos I have need when they walk in the door.  I might be there only bright spot in their day, and that bright spot doesn’t need to be like the forest green a kid just stuck up their nose.  It should be a bright yellow that the other one just ate.  Everybody has a dark place, but to be the bright spot for someone has to lighten it a little.

    A lot of people, myself included, let their situations cloud everything else.  Bad stuff happens every day to every single person.  We have to get our shit together and move on.  It isn’t moving away or forgetting.  It is simply just needing these moments like that simple sentence to get us through to the next thing.  The New Year didn’t bring much joy, but I have to look at it as new opportunities.  It is easier said than done; but I’ve said it so now I have to do it.  (2^nd graders teach you this, they know when go back on your word and use it against you very effectively…little a-holes.)