“Oh grieving is a
process, you’ll have highs and lows.” “Grief shows its head in many ways, you
will find a way to deal with it.” “Stay positive.”
These are the things you
hear as you begin to grieve. Here is the
truth: “It isn’t a process, it is now life as you know it. You have mediums and pits of hell, the only
high is medicinal at the beginning.” “You
don’t deal, you see things in different ways.” “These many heads are really
just the 5 million things going through your head at once.” “Screw positive, I’m just trying to stay
sane.”
I’ve grieved in the bottom
of Gin bottles. I’ve grieved opening up
the top of a pill bottle. I grieve reading
passages of the Bible while minutes later screaming “Why????” at the top of my
lungs from her bedroom. I grieve by
loving my wife more than anything, but also by getting mad at her about simple
things. I’ve yelled until I am hoarse,
cried until I can’t breathe, and thought so much my head hurts to the point of
crying again. I’ve watched the phone go
to voicemail of my best friends days upon days.
I’ve made more excuses on why I can’t go somewhere than I ever have
before. I’ve given to more charities and
donated more change at 4 way stops than before too. I’ve said I am Ok and doing fine to the point
I start to halfway believe it.
I could say a thousand
more things about the past month and a half but it all comes down to living day
to day. One day is not like the
other. One minute is not like the other. The only process I understand about grieving
is this:
1)
Nobody should ever
tell you how to grieve. You do you and
be okay with that.
2)
You will become
bitter with the people around you without even knowing.
3)
Drinking an entire
bottle of gin will probably make you pee the bed.
4)
You need to take
time to cry purposefully. Random things
will make you cry, but you need to reminisce about the times that made you
smile, even though you cry and want for them now.
5)
Don’t give up on
God. Your outlook will change. Your
beliefs will be tested. You have to
figure it out yourself, nobody can do that for you.
Andy the only thing you need to do is honor Penelope and b the kind of man husband son and father she'd want you to be and be imperfect I know you probably do it any ways but before you take that next sip talk to her she's all around you she's watching she blowing you hair in the wind she laughing at you when you remember something that makes you smile she's hugging your neck when you cry and feel like you can't breathe and when you hug your wife she's in the middle speeding up your heart rate remember no one is expecting you to be okay because nothing in the situation is okay it's messed up the only people you need to impress is God and p don't let the devil get to you the devil is cancer the devil is a angel taken to young the devil is grief he's all around you trying to make you forget I've seen what losing a child can do and you know what 20 years later you still grieve and you'll continue to grieve until the day you die because there is no love like the love between a parent and a child I'm sorry to be so honest but I believe that is exactly what you need to hear God bless you and Ellen I'll continue to pray for you all love you brother
ReplyDeleteAndy the only thing you need to do is honor Penelope and b the kind of man husband son and father she'd want you to be and be imperfect I know you probably do it any ways but before you take that next sip talk to her she's all around you she's watching she blowing you hair in the wind she laughing at you when you remember something that makes you smile she's hugging your neck when you cry and feel like you can't breathe and when you hug your wife she's in the middle speeding up your heart rate remember no one is expecting you to be okay because nothing in the situation is okay it's messed up the only people you need to impress is God and p don't let the devil get to you the devil is cancer the devil is a angel taken to young the devil is grief he's all around you trying to make you forget I've seen what losing a child can do and you know what 20 years later you still grieve and you'll continue to grieve until the day you die because there is no love like the love between a parent and a child I'm sorry to be so honest but I believe that is exactly what you need to hear God bless you and Ellen I'll continue to pray for you all love you brother
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