Moving On

You can’t hold onto something forever, but sometimes it is all that is holding you together. 

Nobody wants this old green chair and that is fine by me.  I never got to sit in it much growing up because it was Brit’s chair and that is who got to sit in it.  For over a year and a half though it has been mine.  I’ve written a lot of my blog entries here, most of my Bored Teachers articles, and even the occasional football plan.  More importantly it’s been my “place”.  You know, the one place you feel comfortable and safe for whatever reason.  It doesn’t matter what’s going on, I can sit here and think, laugh, cry, cry again, and sometimes fall asleep because I’m so exhausted.  As much as it is about the chair, it is about where the chair is.  It’s at Brit’s and now it is time that I let this spot go.  It is time to move on and for most of us, moving on is hard.  It is hard to let go for some, especially me. 

I sit here staring at this crooked little table with books piled on it and know that I’ll miss it.  I sit here staring at the mountains and know that I’ll miss sitting here staring at them.  Truthfully, I’ll miss all of it and thinking about it not being the same about makes me sick.  Things never stay the same and other than death and taxes, change will always remain. (Another Brit quote.) 

I’m glad though that I’ve learned to take it all in so that I never have to fully let go.  I will be taking this chair home one day, not because I have room or it matches anything in this world, but so I can always have my space.  I’ll remember that the table was always crooked and how the pattern on the rug doesn’t really match from one side to the other from this angle.  It isn’t about losing things, but not ever forgetting about them I think is the scariest part.  I don’t want to let go because I don’t want to forget.  Now that I think about it.  I never really have to let go.  Of course it won’t be the same and I’ll never get that full effect back, but that doesn’t mean it won’t always be there.  I've thought so much about this place over the past year if I could draw worth a damn I could draw it inch by inch.  But once it isn't here anymore, will I be able to still do it?  That's the part that makes me upset.

  I can only hope for those of you that have to say good-bye to something that you have lived in that moment.  And that moment you never have to let go and never forget.  I write this as much for me as I do for others to think about.  For one day whenever I do read this, I can smile because stupid me thought I was ever going to forget.