The batteries died...

     Sleeping with a sleep sheep is probably not the most manly thing, but it is just one of those things that I will probably do the rest of my life.  That few minutes of Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star sometimes is all that keeps me from losing my mind in that time where the real world takes me to dreams.  Silence is your #1 enemy when you’ve lost a part of yourself.  That silence is filled with that missing piece and everything that reminds you of them.  Last night the batteries were dead and for a few minutes I realized I probably wasn’t going to get any sleep. 

     A few moments later I noticed those voices no longer wanted to make me cry until I made myself tired.  Those voices that usually keep me up until middle of the night put me to sleep.  The pictures and the silence wasn’t the enemy.  The internal war with myself will never be won, but I’ll take a few wins in the battle category though.

     Taking something negative and turning it into something positive isn’t really what I’m talking about.  It’s more about using all that love and energy that we poured into our little girl to keep fighting those battles so others don’t have to.  Book donations, St. Jude’s donations, medicinal marijuana advocates, rare disease awareness, and this blog have helped us all not dwell on the sadness, but the smiles.  Helping others in turn helps yourself.  It isn’t about Facebook gratification, pictures in the paper, or everybody knowing your name for us and those families doing the same.  It is all about doing what you can for the situation you are in.  Her diagnosis was never her definition; our situation won’t be ours either.

      Life gave us a shitty situation.  It all hasn’t smelled like roses, but it doesn’t have to leave us up the creek.  We’ve got our paddle and her name is Penelope.  She kept us afloat before and she will always steer us in the right direction.  Batteries can be changed and the sound we all fell asleep to will be there tonight.  Another battle will come and another fight of the thoughts in my head will happen I’m sure.  Maybe I’ll let the whales or running water take my mind away from all the negative…….but who am I kidding, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star will win…every time.